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AMS Answers: The accidental hanky

November 5, 2010

A woman recently used the “drop your hanky” feature. I liked her profile and decided to write her. A week later, she’s read my e-mail but hasn’t replied. She dropped the hanky! I’m really interested in this girl, but don’t know how to proceed and don’t want to seem pushy. Should I write her again?

In olden days, women truly did drop their hanky as a way to solicit the attention of gentlemen. It’s a very old-fashioned flirtation device by women. And it seems that you are in the position of those men of a different age; she dropped the hanky, but is confused when you hand it back. Is this a true accident rather than an attempt to solicit your attention? Is she not open to hearing from you?

Let us give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she just hasn’t had time to respond to you. Maybe she wanted to give your e-mail more consideration. Maybe she got distracted and hasn’t had a chance to get back to it. Maybe she truly forgot. Regardless, we will make the assumption that this woman is kind enough to respect you with a use of the “not interested” button if she had changed her mind.

A good option for you would be to use the “Ask Permission” feature. She will then get a notification indicating that you are asking permission to write to her. This could trigger her memory and make her realize that she never responded to you. So she’ll either grant you permission (in which case you can write to her again with no fear of seeming pushy) or she will reply to you, and no doubt thank you for your persistence.

Your use of the “Ask Permission” shows your genuine interest in corresponding with her. It also shows that you respect her.  You understand that her time is valuable and don’t assume that she was simply ignoring you. And if she still doesn’t respond, you can chalk it up to a true accident, and move on to women who are more sincerely interested in hearing from you.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. Anthony permalink
    December 8, 2010 8:56 pm

    @Matthew, there is no need for the lady to have posted on the forums. The Ask Permission/Drop Hanky features work within profiles. So the man in question could use the “Ask Permission feature” on the woman’s profile to let her know that he would like to write her.

  2. Matthew permalink
    December 8, 2010 8:57 pm

    The only problem to this solution is that it requires that the lady who threw the hanky to have posted on the member forums. I would wager that less than 10% of people on AMS actually post on the member forum.

  3. December 8, 2010 8:57 pm

    Frankly….Games. Typical online dating games. Hanky Panky Games, in this case. To the originator: At the end of the day, everyone here can hide behind their monitor, no matter their initial intent or initiation. Brandish thy thick skin from within and simply chalk it up to yet another on-line dating experience (if you have not already). Good luckery – it’s an internet jungle out here. PS. Sorry, but Instant Gratification and Optimism has it’s practical limit here, too.

  4. December 8, 2010 8:58 pm

    AAAAh the dropping of the hanky! Why does this conjure up dreams of Mr Darcy? I so love this concept of romanticism. If only there was in fact a true resurgence of such romance! One can only dream……

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