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May 31 #Chatdate chat

June 4, 2011
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Here is the transcript from our May 31 #Cathdate chat. Thank you to everyone who joined us!
We look forward to seeing you again on Tuesday, June 14, at 8:30 p.m. EST.
Topics or questions for the chat? Tweet us @AveMariaSingles.

AveMariaSingles Q1: How does a girl drop hints to let a guy know she is interested? #cathdate -8:36 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @AveMariaSingles , a truly important question πŸ˜‰ #cathdate -8:37 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 Looking forward to a good chat #Cathdate -8:37 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @AveMariaSingles Agreed! #cathdate -8:38 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Picking up where we left off last time. How a girl can drop her hanky letting a guy know she is interested without being forward. #cathdate -8:38 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls RT @AveMariaSingles: Q1: How does a girl drop hints to let a guy know she is interested? #cathdate -8:38 PM May 31st, 2011

nomoblues @AveMariaSingles Good question. #cathdate #cathdude -8:39 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Let’s establish first that a man often needs some kind of a cue from a girl to let him know it’s safe to approach. Yes? #cathdate -8:39 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @AveMariaSingles Lots of smiles. Stays interested & engaged during convos. Possibly babbles. #cathdate -8:40 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 use the standard email: It looks like we have _in common. I’m curious to know what else we have in common. Feel free to browse #cathdate -8:40 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars Sounds like a good place to start #cathdate -8:40 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @6stonejars Yes, that is true. #cathdate -8:41 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Making sure he sees you noticing him always a solid and age-old affective cue. #cathdate -8:43 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , very true. Good men are often timid creatures when it comes to the fairer sex. #cathdate -8:43 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 Standard email doesn’t always work. hasn’t gotten me results lately. #cathdate -8:43 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @6stonejars I wish I knew. I wish that was the reason my last date didn’t call me after our first date (even though we had plans) #Cathdate -8:44 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @6stonejars Meaning make good eye contact and lingering smile? What are cues men pick up? #cathdate -8:44 PM May 31st, 2011

gloriapatri RT @6stonejars: Let’s establish first that a man often needs some kind of a cue from a girl to let him know it’s safe to approach. Yes? #cathdate -8:45 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Yes, if men don’t pick up on that kind of eye contact as a cue, they are pretty dense πŸ™‚ #cathdate -8:45 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @threelittleowls Thanks for asking! That may be the way to answer this… #cathdate -8:45 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 What’s a good standard email to let him know you are interested? Dittos to your profile? #Cathdate

nomoblues @6stonejars ‘you are my density…’ #cathdate -8:46 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @6stonejars #cathdudes, what are signals you have picked up on in the past? #cathdate

Palaminko @threelittleowls I’ll volunteer: square shoulders with guy while talking, absentmindedly fix hair, show you’ve been listening #cathdate –

6stonejars Men can get confused if women are the chatty, smiley, touchy-feely type with everyone. They can get mixed signals. Right guys? #cathdate –

Palaminko @threelittleowls @6stonejars Basically, “mirroring” his (my) body language #cathdat

threelittleowls @palaminko Those are good tips! I love when a date remembers what I’ve been saying. Always a good sign! #cathdate

Palaminko @6stonejars Easiest way to get clarity: ask her out πŸ˜‰ #cathdate

CI_Girl_1974 @threelittleowls @palaminko Ditto. #cathdate -8:50 PM May 31st, 2011

nomoblues @6stonejars Agreed. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if there’s a difference when ‘signs of affection, hugging’ become distilled #cathdate -8:50 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @threelittleowls I usually notice if the girl is more self-conscious than I (i.e. like she wants to make a good impression). #cathdate
nomoblues @palaminko Amen #cathdate -8:50 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez Hi, late to the game. What’s the topic on #cathdate ? -8:51 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @threelittleowls Yeah, how well she listens is my gauge. If she likes me, she’ll at least try to follow the conversation! #cathdate -8:51 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @churchmankirk in a good way? #cathdate -8:51 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , I’m not saying I’ve ever misunderstood, but I’m sure it happens all the time… #cathdate -8:51 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Do you think women today can be too “expressive” instead of more reserved? Making their charms too available to all? #cathdate -8:52 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @threelittleowls Good point #cathdate -8:52 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles We’re moving right into Q2: How does a man recognize those signs? #cathdate -8:53 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles RT @6stonejars: Do you think women today can be too “expressive” instead of more reserved? Making their charms too available? #cathdate -8:53 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @TXKristan , yes, absolutely in a good way. laughing at my less-than-perfect jokes, fixing her hair, etc. #cathdate Effort is noticeable. -8:53 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars Yes I think some women can. I hear from guys that this makes for an unclear read. But what if you are friendly? #cathdate -8:53 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Excellent points! Women need to work on giving clear clues of interest. Moving on to the next question. Men, are you noticing? #cathdate -8:54 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @churchmankirk Aww, good! I always hope men find that nervousness endearing. #cathdate -8:54 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @AveMariaSingles @6stonejars That’s for the men to say, I guess. I know I’m usually reserved on dates. #cathdate -8:56 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars I think men can get to anxious or presumptuous, and maybe just interpret a girl as he wants instead of being more observant. #cathdate -8:56 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , I haven’t exactly been on the field for a while so I’m going to punt this question to my brothers. #cathdate -8:56 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @threelittleowls , it’s adorable; no lie! #cathdate -8:57 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @threelittleowls AMEN! #cathdate -8:57 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Men should understand that women can be very friendly, but that does not mean they are interested. Allow them to be friendly. #cathdate -8:58 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars If I detect interest, I’ll take steps to confirm that until (if lucky) it looks like asking her out is a good idea #cathdate -8:58 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @6stonejars is it unrealistic to hope that a guy will say “this isn’t gonna work” if the first date doesn’t go as he expects? #cathdate -8:59 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars There is a difference between being friendly and flirting to indicate interest, is there not? Men should learn the difference. #cathdate -9:00 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars Then again, I’m in the sciences so I also run little “tests” to confirm a “hypothesis” πŸ˜‰ #cathdate -9:00 PM May 31st, 2011
CI_Girl_1974 @TXKristan I had that happen to me #cathdate -9:00 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls RT @Palaminko: @6stonejars Then again, I’m in the sciences so I also run little “tests” to confirm a “hypothesis” πŸ˜‰ #cathdate -9:00 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @TXKristan @6stonejars No, not unrealistic! A guy worth his salt will make it clear once he has an idea it won’t work #cathdate -9:01 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc @6stonejars I don’t think women always know the difference between flirting and being nice sometimes #cathdate -9:01 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars No, men do not make those kind of statements, typically. They go for the non-verbal cues to indicate it’s not going further. #cathdate -9:01 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars Agreed. #cathdate -9:01 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @CI_Girl_1974 it’s a relief to hear I’m not the only one #cathdate -9:01 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , I agree. We should learn the difference. I have a sense that there’s a certain smoothness specific to flirting. #cathdate -9:02 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @6stonejars such as ignoring your existence? #cathdate -9:02 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars Really? I think it’s a little cruel to be indirect #cathdate -9:02 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars I do agree a guy “should” tell a woman it is not going to work. But from my experience, most do not. #cathdate -9:03 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars Ok, thanks for clarifying #cathdate -9:03 PM May 31st, 2011

bloomu93 Hi! first tweetchat here.I think that if a guy thinks that he detects interest that he can suggest keeping in touch #cathdate

churchmankirk @6stonejars , I tend to allow for two dates for any girl, just in case she had an off day. #cathdate -9:03 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @TXKristan That’s a pretty solid “no”. Although not my favorite approach. #cathdate -9:03 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls @TXKristan Aww, girl 😦 #cathdate @6stonejars -9:04 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Flirting does not have to be smooth. Some are better than others. Keep it simple. Eye contact and a certain smile anyone can do. #cathdate -9:04 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @6stonejars I’d say flirting takes skill, but my friends (better flirters) struck out more than they got it right #cathdate -9:04 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 @churchmankirk you are an exception to the rule #cathdate -9:04 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc @6stonejars I think guys don’t say anything because they are afraid of the girls reaction…that’s what noticed anyway. #cathdate -9:05 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , direct is the only way to go. Dating is messy enough without making them guess the whole time. #cathdate -9:05 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars So what if he isn’t paying attention? How do you get it? #cathdate -9:05 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @CI_Girl_1974 @churchmankirk Amen. A welcome exception #cathdate -9:05 PM May 31st, 2011

threelittleowls RT @churchmankirk: @6stonejars , direct is the only way to go. Dating is messy enough without making them guess the whole time. #cathdate -9:06 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 RT @TXKristan: @CI_Girl_1974 @churchmankirk Amen. A welcome exception #cathdate -9:06 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @6stonejars Yup, direct is best. Stick your neck out and take the risk for her by being clear #cathdate -9:06 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Women get a man’s attention, I believe, by their mystery/mystique, not by being overly open and loud, etc. Men like the mystery. #cathdate -9:07 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars A friend: “Men want adventure. Women want to *be* the adventure.” I think he was on to something. #cathdate -9:08 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Agreed! Taking risks is what love is all about. #cathdate -9:09 PM May 31st, 2011

bloomU93 @6stonejars that’s true! Scary as it is…#cathdate

6stonejars I like that. A woman is like a treasure map that a man needs to take lots of time read and follow the trails to the unknown. #cathdate

Palaminko @6stonejars Generally speaking, I kinda assume there’s more onus on the guy to move things along. Correct? #cathdate -9:11 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars my point on smoothness re eye contact & smile is that they need to be different when flirting than when conversing. #cathdate -9:11 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars Beautiful analogy #cathdate -9:11 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 @6stonejars what kinds of things need to be revealed upfront? #cathdate -9:12 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @churchmankirk @6stonejars Seconded. The key to flirting is establishing enough of a diff btwn how you respond to him & other men #cathdate -9:12 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Yes, guys need to move things along, but girls need to help them get things started. Keep practicing cues and flirting well. #cathdate -9:13 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc RT @6stonejars: I like that. A woman is like a treasure map that a man needs to take lots of time read and follow the trails to the unknown. #cathdate -9:13 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 I mean, if a girl is disabled and it’s not obvious, should she reveal it? It coulld be a deal breaker. #cathdate -9:13 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @CI_Girl_1974 Disability? That’s a tough one… I’m definitely punting for now #cathdate -9:14 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Not much need be revealed up front. If there starts to be serious interest, then you can reveal. Some trust needs to be there. #cathdate -9:14 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Okay, moving on to our last question. Is playing matchmaker a good idea? Anyone ever tried it? Successful? #cathdate -9:15 PM May 31st, 2011
CI_Girl_1974 tried it not on AMS. Failed. #cathdate -9:16 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars I have, sort of. And yes I think it can be a good idea. #cathdate -9:16 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles Q3: Is playing matchmaker a good idea? #cathdate -9:17 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars My only “success” was inviting them to the same party. I think that was plenty matchmaking for me. #cathdate -9:17 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc @6stonejars I’ve been matched and very much unsucessful 😦 #cathdate -9:17 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @CI_Girl_1974 , I would say it’s fine to develop a good friendship first, but it shouldn’t be saved for after serious feelings. #cathdate -9:17 PM May 31st, 2011

gregtinsley @6stonejars yes, a very good idea. we’re all adults, so if it doesn’t work out, no worries. plus, it’s flattering to be set-up. #cathdate -9:18 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 had success encouraging a match #cathdate -9:18 PM May 31st, 2011

churchmankirk @6stonejars , re: Matchmaking – never done it, never had it done, think it’s fine in theory. #cathdate -9:19 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars It is certainly a more difficult prospect today. In the past, introductions by family and friends worked due to location limits. #cathdate -9:20 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan ditto RT @churchmankirk @6stonejars , re: Matchmaking – never done it, never had it done, think it’s fine in theory. #cathdate -9:20 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @AveMariaSingles My only qualm w/ matchmaking is when ppl who don’t know the matchees that well try to make the match… #cathdate -9:21 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @6stonejars …in my case, it turned out the girl was an ardent atheist! They didn’t realize that beforehand?! #cathdate -9:21 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez Letting the people who know you best know you are looking is a good way to meet someone new. You never know who your friends know. #cathdate -9:21 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars I like the idea of getting singles in a room together and see what happens. Isn’t that what Catholic dating sites do? #cathdate -9:22 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars I think that would still need to be facilitated. Singles can be weird. #cathdate -9:23 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles @Palaminko Makes for an amusing anecdote for you though! #cathdate -9:23 PM May 31st, 2011

Palaminko @AveMariaSingles haha, now it does! back then, not so much πŸ˜‰ #cathdate

bloomU93 yes, it is just not as natural as talking in person. You worry if what you are saying is coming across the right way. #Cathdate -9:24 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Basically, I think we all have a desire to see our single friends in love and married. It doesn’t hurt to introduce. #cathdate -9:25 PM May 31st, 2011

trinichiqn @CJMar10ez @6stonejars so true #cathdate -9:25 PM May 31st, 2011

anicecrwoman I agree. #Cathdate -9:26 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc @6stonejars had a bad experience when a friend set me up with a guy she dated before she was married. He expected me to be like her.#cathdate -9:26 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars I totally agree. People who know you best should be allowed to help. And you do never know who they know. #cathdate -9:26 PM May 31st, 2011

TXKristan @6stonejars but in those settings, it seems to be an all or nothing mentality – dating or nothing #cathdate -9:26 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles Thanks for joining us, especially those new to Twitter and/or Tweetchats. #cathdate -9:28 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Perhaps we can all agree that matchmaking is not about finding the right one, but about helping singles extend their opportunities #cathdate -9:29 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez @6stonejars That’s a healthy way to look at it. #cathdate -9:29 PM May 31st, 2011

nomoblues @6stonejars Yes. In this bizarre world of so connected but disconnected πŸ™‚ #cathdate #pray -9:30 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc @6stonejars that’s a good way of looking at it #cathdate -9:31 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Wow, time flies! Look forward to seeing you in two weeks, a few days before our AMS retreat at Malvern, PA. Interested? #cathdate -9:32 PM May 31st, 2011

tortillatc RT @6stonejars: Perhaps we can all agree that matchmaking is not about finding the right one, but about helping singles extend their opportunities #cathdate -9:32 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 no transportation #cathdate -9:32 PM May 31st, 2011

CI_Girl_1974 thanks @6stonejars for a good chat #Cathdate -9:33 PM May 31st, 2011

6stonejars Happy feast of the Visitation to you all. See you on June 14th at 8:30 EST. Feel free to look me up on http://www.6stonejars.com. #cathdate -9:33 PM May 31st, 2011

CJMar10ez Good night y’all and see you next time! #cathdate -9:33 PM May 31st, 2011

nomoblues @6stonejars Thanks #Cathdate -9:34 PM May 31st, 2011

AveMariaSingles We will have tonight’s transcript available on our blog: http://bit.ly/fbl3f6 #cathdate -9:34 PM May 31st, 2011

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