June 28 #cathdate transcript

Here’s the transcript for the June 28th chat. Thanks for joining us! Any topics, questions, or suggestions are very welcome @AveMariaSingles and @6stonejars.

AveMariaSingles Tonight when we say “expectations” we mean preconceived notions, ideals. See you all in about 30. #cathdate -8:02 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Welcome everyone! Feel free to introduce yourself. Promo a blog if you like: ours is avemariasingles.wordpress.com. #cathdate -8:29 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Hello! Anthony Buono of Ave Maria Singles and 6 Stone Jars. Looking forward to chatting. #cathdate -8:32 PM Jun 28th, 2011
nomoblues @AveMariaSingles Hello from CA #cathdate -8:34 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @AveMariaSingles hi, everyone! I met my wonderful boyfriend on AMS 7 months ago. I blog at blog.americancatholic.org/author/lsimmon
AveMariaSingles @linsomnia Congrats on the boyfriend. 🙂 #cathdate -8:35 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Sorry, 6 mins late! #cathdate -8:36 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Hi! Elizabeth from Startling the Day! I do have a wonderful boyfriend, but I’m excited to chat with y’all! #cathdate –
linsomnia oops forgot #cathdate: hi, everyone! I met my wonderful boyfriend on AMS 7 months ago. I blog at blog.americancatholic.org/author/lsimmon
TXKristan @6stonejars gonna be a bit quiet here in Houston. Fixing my garbage disposal. Do guys find that attractive? #cathdate http://t.co/3HGsJuS -8:37 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles We will preface our topics with a number, it helps to preface your response in the same manner. Easier to follow. #cathdate -8:38 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove RT @AveMariaSingles: We will preface our topics with a number, it helps to preface your response in the same manner. Easier to follow. #cathdate -8:38 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @TXKristan Kristin, that’s pretty awesome in my book! #cathdate -8:38 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia Thank you! 🙂 And thanks to AMS!!! RT @avemariasingles: Congrats on the boyfriend. 🙂 #cathdate -8:39 PM
EHillgrove @linsomnia That is exciting! You found him on AMS! #cathdate -8:39 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Let’s talk about expectations in dating first. Should we have them? Are they too high? #cathdate -8:40 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Q1: Are our expectations too high regarding the opposite sex? #cathdate -8:40 PM Jun 28th, 2011
trinichiqn @6stonejars some expectations I think are reasonable but they shouldn’t be too extravagant #cathdate
EHillgrove 1- I saw @Palaminko make a good distinction between expectation and standards this afternoon. #Cathdate -8:42 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Q1 -@Palaminko points out standards & expectations are different. Expectations often unrealistic. #cathdate -8:42 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @AveMariaSingles Q1 – I expect those of the opposite sex to respect me and to rise to the occasion. I don’t have specific expctns #cathdate -8:43 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @6stonejars I think we can stimes set unrealistic expectations, forgetting that we, too, are humans w/ flaws. #cathdate -8:43 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko @AveMariaSingles @trinichiqn #cathdate Some expectations build off of high standards, meaning they’re often an excuse to move on -8:44 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove ….con’t and that can be very harmful. #cathdate -8:45 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars People seem to have high expectations of the other, but very low expectations regarding themselves. Should be the opposite. #cathdate -8:47 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove RT @6stonejars: People seem to have high expectations of the other, but very low expectations regarding themselves. Should be the opposite. #cathdate -8:48 PM Jun 28th, 2011
palaminko @EHillgrove @AveMariaSingles @trinichiqn Sorry I’m late… Anyway, I agree: some expectations prevent ppl from giving it a chance or time.
EHillgrove @6stonejars That’s an excellent point. #selfishness #cathdate -8:49 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove RT @trinichiqn: reasonable = a gentleman, unreasonable = love at first sight (we can hope though) #cathdate -8:49 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars …it’s a lot more common to be pleasantly surprised by people and dates #cathdate #winning -8:49 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars I agree. Not enough time is given if we assess someone too quickly based on preconceived expectations (“The Check List”) #cathdate -8:49 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars Ugh, the check list…one of my biggest pet peeves among singles #cathdate -8:50 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @trinichiqn reasonable = nice girl next door with a big heart; unreasonable = demure super model? #cathdate -8:50 PM Jun 28th, 2011
anicecrwoman I’ve had first impressions to not be true after getting to know someone better. #cathdate
6stonejars Hahaha. Yes, expectations in the looks department. Very dangerous. #cathdate -8:51 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko @6stonejars Yes, the check list has stood in my way a NUMBER of times… @CatholicMarie #cathdate -8:51 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove @trinichiqn I’m not sure how many single demure super models exist in this world 😉 #cathdate -8:52 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @anicecrwoman I’ve also had my first impressions SQUASHED in a great way and in a terrible way #cathdate -8:52 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars We should work on reducing that check list. And make a list of what the person you seek would want in you. #cathdate -8:53 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko @trinichiqn I think demure and super model are oxymorons. #cathdate -8:53 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @6stonejars I believe that attraction CAN come after time. Wanting initial sparks is not always feasible. #cathdate -8:53 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove love this MT @6stonejars: We should work on reducing that check list. And make a list of what the person you seek would want in u #cathdate -8:53 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Q1: Looks are a common one. What other specific ideals/expectations stand in our way? #cathdate -8:54 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Adeering66 I like the idea of shortening the list…great thought Anthony… #cathdate
@palaminko @EHillgrove hence unreasonable expectation, although there is the exception to every rule #cathdate
trinichiqn @palaminko @EHillgrove hence unreasonable expectation, although there is the exception to every rule #cathdate
trinichiqn @AveMariaSingles you will click right away and if you don’t forget it, sometimes it takes a while #cathdate
Adeering66 Q1 – wishing to have so much in common that you are looking for your clone? #cathdate
EHillgrove Q1 @AveMariaSingles #cathdate Money. Perfect family? -8:56 PM Jun 28th, 2011
anicecrwoman Someone being treated as they would want to be treated but being nasty to the other person while on a date. #cathdate
EHillgrove Q1 – Career aspirations, not always what it’s chalked up to be. #cathdate -8:57 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @AveMariaSingles I think @linsomnia pointed out a good one: initial sparks/flames(?) #cathdate -8:57 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko Yes, even if the sparks are because you think the guy/girl is funny and it’s not a/b looks #cathdate Still worrisome -8:58 PM Jun 28th, 2011
anicecrwoman A practicing Catholic. Not just in name only. #cathdate
EHillgrove @anicecrwoman I think that being a practicing #Catholic is a reasonable expectation pre-dating…. #cathdate what about @6stonejars ? -8:59 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @AveMariaSingles A broader answer: projection of our wants & desires on the person…hoping that they’ll fit it all perfectly #cathdate -9:00 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @ehillgrove Yes! And I think good morals is also a reasonable expectation. #cathdate -9:01 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @linsomnia Oh absolutely. I think what we need to do here is distinguish between personality and CHARACTER. #Cathdate -9:02 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @AveMariaSingles Oops, meant “wants & needs” in that last one #cathdate #typefail -9:02 PM Jun 28th, 2011
ldelc RT @6stonejars: People seem to have high expectations of the other, but very low expectations regarding themselves. Should be the opposite. #cathdate -9:02 PM Jun 28th, 2011
CatholicMarie sorry I’m late! Catching up! #cathdate
6stonejars Never wanting to be hurt. It’s unreasonable to think your feelings getting hurt is a sign that this is not the right person. #cathdate -9:04 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @6stonejars Great point! (Do you do this for a living or something? 😉 ) #cathdate -9:04 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Yes, true. There is no perfect person. And love is about service, not finding someone who will please you at all times. #cathdate -9:04 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @EHillgrove CHARACTER vs personality is an important distinction, for sure, but character is _expressed_ through one’s personality #cathdate -9:05 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @trinichiqn @EHillgrove Just saw the tweet. Yes, though going for the exception is a risky proposition & asking for disappointment #cathdate -9:05 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Q1 – #cathdate another expectation that gets in the way: he will Mr. Smooth or Mrs. Cool -9:06 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @CatholicMarie #cathdate hmmm Not every part of your character is seen in personality. Some of it sure, but you have to get to know some1 -9:06 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @CatholicMarie @EHillgrove A very Catholic (by def) idea: timeless objective standards, expressed by myriad personalities #cathdate -9:07 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @EHillgrove that is true but your personality is how you express who you are, what your character is. #cathdate -9:07 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @CatholicMarie Your personality is a circle that sits in the square of your character. Sometimes you can’t see the corners #cathdate -9:08 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Character is important. But expect flaws, and remember your own. Embracing each other’s imperfections fosters endearment. #cathdate -9:08 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @EHillgrove I like that idea a whole lot.U’r exactly right, u do have to get to know someone in order to know their full character #cathdate -9:09 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @Adeering66 Great one! #cathdate -9:10 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @6stonejars That is extremely true. It also fosters humility, compassion, forgiveness and mercy. #cathdate -9:10 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Q2: Should a woman ever pursue after a first date? #cathdate -9:10 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @6stonejars “Embracing each other’s imperfections fosters endearment.” #cathdate -9:10 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars That’s an expectation worth hanging on to! #cathdate #originalsin -9:10 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove @Adeering66 I concur! #cathdate -9:11 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Q2 @AveMariaSingles #cathdate I think a woman needs to make it clear she wants another date, w/o being too fwd. But no, they should not call -9:11 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @AveMariaSingles For the love of God, don’t do it! Encourage (signs & hints), but don’t pursue! That’s our job #cathdate -9:12 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Yes, if she has made a clear indication she would like to see him again, she must let him call. Don’t be impatient and call him. #cathdate -9:12 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie Q2 @AveMariaSingles #cathdate What would it mean for a woman to pursue vs a man? I mean, what are the boundaries pre-pursual? -9:13 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @avemariasingles I contacted my boyfriend on AMS 1st. He said he was so glad I did, b/c he was planning to cancel his membership. #cathdate -9:13 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko Agreed! If the guy doesn’t call… either he doesn’t have the guts and that’s a red flag or he’s not interested #cathdate -9:13 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars That’s very different. Making an initial contact online is totally acceptable. Calling a man after the first date is not. #cathdate -9:14 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @6stonejars #cathdate What is the model here? What about if there was a long-term friendship [ie 3 yrs+] pre-1st date? change the rules? -9:14 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @linsomnia You bring up a good scenario… I think it’s different with online dating #cathdate -9:14 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia @palaminko Yes I think there’s a difference b/w pursuing and just expressing interest in an encouraging way. #cathdate -9:15 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @CatholicMarie No, rules are the same if you’re entering a romantic relationship, or hope to #cathdate -9:15 PM Jun 28th, 2011
adeering66 @EHillgrove @palaminko So very true…he’ll call if he’s interested…it’s more justing letting go of the control…trusting God. #cathdate
Palaminko @linsomnia @avemariasingles Initiating 1st contact is fine. Asking out & being forward on defining relationship is the trouble #cathdate -9:16 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @Adeering66 Trusting God, what a novel idea! 😉 #cathdate -9:16 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars Totally repeated you…tweets loaded too slow 😦 #cathdate -9:17 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @EHillgrove Which means what? No calling after the first date but does that knock out ‘initial contact’ b/c you’ve known eachother #cathdate -9:17 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia Agreed! 🙂 RT @palaminko Initiating1st contact is fine. Asking out & being forward on defining relationship is the trouble #cathdate -9:17 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Friendship turns to more. Then it’s different. Allow the man to lead, at least for a time. He needs that pursuit. #cathdate -9:17 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko Great one! DTR… a phrase that ruined the patience of an entire generation (Defining The Relationship) #cathdate -9:18 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove @Adeering66 Counterintuitive: by ceding control in the pursuit, women actually remain in control of the relationship #cathdate -9:18 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko @Adeering66 true paradox #cathdate -9:19 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Remember, women are always leading, but in the clever and subtle ways that women have to help men take initiative and lead. #cathdate -9:19 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @6stonejars I guess the trouble for me vs theoretically is the lack of action. If we build it [our side] will they come? #cathdate -9:19 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove haha, it’s dating pet peeve night for me apparently! 🙂 #cathdate -9:19 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko Haha well, I guess that means discussion is doing what it’s supposed to do! Agitating #cathdate -9:20 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove I”m in the same room with @catholicmarie and she wants to know what clever and subtle ways women steer dating #cathdate -9:20 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @CatholicMarie @6stonejars Personal testimonial: yes, we’ll show up. But some of us (like me) can be very dense and slow about it #cathdate -9:20 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @EHillgrove thanks for ratting me out…its true…all accounts 🙂 #cathdate -9:21 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Sorry, sister 🙂 RT @CatholicMarie: @EHillgrove thanks for ratting me out…its true…all accounts 🙂 #cathdate -9:21 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove @catholicmarie If you know of some fun event coming up in next week or two, mention it a couple times during the date #cathdate -9:21 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Ladies, you have a mystery that must unfold gradually. Men prove they want to learn more by pursuing. Don’t just hand it over. #cathdate -9:22 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko Good, good. I like it. @Catholicmarie #takingnotes #cathdate -9:23 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @palaminko sneaky yet still honest. i like it. okay, i can do that, and then accept the things i can’t change…. #cathdate -9:23 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove @catholicmarie Casually mention what upcoming days are open for you/schedule. Repeat as needed. Probably often. #cathdate -9:23 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove Dressing modestly… perhaps it’s a paradox, but I think if you do it right, it can be clever… #cathdate -9:24 PM Jun 28th, 2011
tortillatc RT @6stonejars: Ladies, you have a mystery that must unfold gradually. Men proof they want to learn more by pursuing. Don’t just hand it over. #cathdate -9:24 PM Jun 28th, 201
6stonejars Here Here, -@Palaminko. Men are dense in general. We need a woman’s help. But just a little sign that it’s okay to approach. #cathdate -9:24 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Sounds like we have a topic for next time: hard to get vs. keeping your mystery. #cathdate -9:24 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars Sad, but pursuit has led many a woman into places sexually & emotionally they never thought they’d go #cathdate -9:24 PM Jun 28th, 2011
linsomnia RT @6stonejars: Ladies, you have a mystery that must unfold gradually. Men proof they want to learn more by pursuing. Don’t just hand it over. #cathdate -9:25 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @EHillgrove YES! The mystery keeps it interesting…and keeps us pursuing! #cathdate #dirtybutactuallycleansecret -9:25 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko @6stonejars #cathdate Many women mix sensuality and love into the same definition and do what they have to do to feel loved -9:25 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie Yes. #hollacity RT @AveMariaSingles Sounds like we have a topic for next time: hard to get vs. keeping your mystery. #cathdate -9:26 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @palaminko “Wear something revealing: be modest” @JasonEvert chapter #cathdate -9:26 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars A gentleman never pursues a woman to the point of being sexually compromised. A woman should feel safe when being pursued. #cathdate -9:27 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove @6stonejars That’s one expectation we NEED to keep: feeling safe. #cathdate -9:28 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @6stonejars @Ehillgrove #cathdate Indeed. Safety while still challenging us to be the best people that we’ve been Called to be. -9:29 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove RT @catholicmarie: @6stonejars @Ehillgrove #cathdate Indeed. Safety while still challenging us to be the best people that we’ve been Called to be. -9:29 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars I totally agree. A woman who feels safe with a man usually has love grow in proportion. #cathdate -9:31 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @CatholicMarie @6stonejars @Ehillgrove It’s that “stretching of new wine skins” image, no? #cathdate -9:31 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Another great CathDate chat, everyone. Wonderful comments. See you all on Tuesday, July 12th at 8:30. #cathdate -9:32 PM Jun 28th, 2011
6stonejars Sorry, I spoke too soon. I cannot do July 12. I might have to put the next one off until July 26th. #cathdate -9:33 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie @palaminko #cathdate yes i think that’s a great image for it. we both have to stretch into the purpose for which we were formed. -9:34 PM Jun 28th, 2011
Palaminko @6stonejars Great chatting with y’all! Here’s praying for the fulfillment of your vocations #cathdate -9:35 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie 7/26 #cathdate Bring it on. 🙂 -9:35 PM Jun 28th, 2011
EHillgrove AMEN! RT @palaminko: @6stonejars Great chatting with y’all! Here’s praying for the fulfillment of your vocations #cathdate -9:35 PM Jun 28th, 2011
catholicmarie RT @Palaminko: @6stonejars Great chatting with y’all! Here’s praying for the fulfillment of your vocations #cathdate -9:35 PM Jun 28th, 2011
AveMariaSingles Find -@6stonejars at 6stonejars.com. Thanks for coming, check back for transcript & our next date. http://bit.ly/fbl3f6 #cathdate -9:36 PM Jun 28th, 2011